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As the excitement of Christmas is in the air and as much as I love this time of the year...my heart is still heavy this morning.
I have been praying for my son for a number of years but this past year it has been with more urgency and in love for not only my child but his soul without any outward signs of "improvement" or change in his life.
He was raised in a Christian home, accepted Jesus Christ as his Savior at an early age, raised in church, taught the Word of God, active in youth, went to church camp and even, during his 10th grade year at church camp said he wanted to be a youth minister.
However, during his 11th and 12th grade year of high school, his demeanor and convictions all changed. He started hanging around the "wrong" crowd and believe me...they weren't godly friends. During his 11th grade and part of his senior year, he moved in with his biological father and he took a drastic turn for the worse. He began to "run around" with two lesbian girls and one claimed to be an atheist...she had a very dark attitude, had a depressive spirit about her and would cut herself and her "partner" had been a good, church going girl with wonderful parents, who didn't have a clue about what was going on. I did all that I could with him living with his father, who wouldn't cooperate with me.
My son's attitude toward God, church and the Bible took an about face. He now refers to the Bible as just another book interpreted by man and no one really knows what "God" meant back then, referred to me as a Bible thumper and crammed God and the Bible down his throat all his life.
Life is too short, we aren't guaranteed another second on this earth and Hell is hot.
Have I gotten discouraged about not seeing any changes in my son's life? Yes!
Do I love my son with all my heart? Yes!
Would I give my life today to see the prodigals son come home to his Heavenly Father? In a heart beat!
Have doubts crept in to my mind that this is too big for God? Yes!
Have I questioned God in my heart...will he ever change? Yes!
Do I know that God doesn't force us to accept Him or make us do anything? Yes and that is the hardest part for me!
So, as this holiday season is a joyous one and I'm am excited, but yet, this mother's heart is heavy.
Have I told you lately that...God is good and He is faithful?
I receive Pastor Rusty's text message devotions 7 days a week...here is today's. Read it and tell me that God doesn't know our hearts and sends us the encouragement that we need in all kinds of ways...including text messages and blogs. After you read this...check out my friend, Laurie's post today...they go hand in hand. Laurie is our associate pastor's wife and she didn't know what PR texted this morning...it is a God "thing"!
Pastor Rusty's text devotion:
Colossians 4:2 says "Continue steadfastly in prayer, being watchful in it with thanksgiving." Have you ever grown tired of praying for something or someone?
Paul says we should "devote" ourselves to prayer and be "alert" in prayer. Our persistence is an expression of our faith that God answers our prayers. Faith shouldn't die if the answers come slowly, for the delay may be God's way of working his will in our life.
When you feel tired of praying, know that God is present, always listening, always answering, maybe not in ways you had hoped, but in ways that he knows are best. Our "Father" really does know what is best for us, so let's continue in prayer, being watchful, and not failing to GIVE thanks!
I vow today to continue in my diligent prayers for my son and others regardless of the current situation or attitude...trusting God, knowing that He is in control and is working to bring my son home (spiritually).
FYI: I hope to finish the inside decorations and the tree tonight and have pictures to post tomorrow. Keep your fingers crossed. Last night, I worked from 3-10 in the freezing cold...but it is finished!!!
What I'm Loving Wednesday!
1 year ago
God so graciously knows how to encourage us when we are discouraged. Praying the Word is a powerful thing. We claim His promises for ourselves, but also acknowledge that His will must be done, and we surrender to that.
ReplyDeleteYou are choosing to trust Him, no matter what. You are choosing to elevate your faith ABOVE your feelings and to move forward in faith...trusting Him even though you do not see the results of your prayers. That is what faith is. Trusting without seeing.
God loves your son so much more than you do, and He loves you too. I will be praying for your son. Right now you are in "the waiting" room with God. Be still before Him and rest in Him. He is faithful.
Bless your dear heart, I will pray for your son.
ReplyDeleteJenn, I know you are having a bit of a struggle today, but I have a Christmas Spirit award for you on my blog. You don't have to play, I just thought you might want a little Christmas "cheer" to pass on when you're ready!
ReplyDeletegreat thoughts and love the new background. I can never figure out how to "dress" my blog up without paying for it. -love Laurie
ReplyDeleteJennifer, I am so sorry for your discouragement and inspired by your faith! I KNOW what you are going through. Can I email you privately?
ReplyDeleteSorry you are going through this but I will say a prayer for you and your son.
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteI understand how you're feeling--I won't say I know exactly, because I don't--but I do understand.
All 3 of my children are nonbelievers, and I and many others pray for them.
I, too, have gotten discouraged from time to time--thinking will You ever change this situation God? Will they ever accept You in their lives?
Then, I think back--God waited patiently for me to re-turn to Him. I say re-turn because I, too, was raised in a Christian home and then rejected it all!! But, God's hand was working in my life when I didn't even realize it.
My prayers for you for continued trust and faith in our Lord and for your son to see Jesus' light shining in you and re-turn to HIM!!
Beth
As an aside--I hope you've warmed up from your freezing night outside decorating!!
Coontinuing to pray for you and for your son...that his heart would turn, once more, to the Lord.
ReplyDeletePraying also that you would continue to have peace in the midst of trial and that the Lord would minister to your hurting heart.
Love in Christ,
Patti
Jennifer, I love your new CHRISTmas background and music. It is always so refreshing to visit your blog. Thank you for sharing Pastor Rusty's devotional. You know that I am praying for your son and many others, while my sons are not serving the Lord either. I believe so strongly that God hears our prayers and will answer in His time, but I am constantly looking for inspiration and encouragement from others too. You started out sounded a little discouraged, but you ended up preaching a good sermon of encouragement to all of us. I know you have a close walk with our Heavenly Father and He will keep you in perfect peace. Love and Prayers, Carolyn
ReplyDeleteJennifer,
ReplyDeleteOh,girl,I know how you feel. I have been and will continue to pray for you and your son.
love,
Tammy
To All of My New and "Old" Bloggy Friends:
ReplyDeleteWords cannot express my appreciation for each one of your encouraging words, full of love and very uplifting.
I will not faulter in my prayers for my precious son.
And can't wait until the day that I can share his homecoming story from beginning to end with each one of you. When he allows God to use him in the capacity that He desires...he will impact so many young people and some older ones too...life altering and world changing. His testimony of God's grace, forgiveness and love...alone will be earth moving...let alone the story of his life. Wow! My heart skips a beat faster with excitement just thinking about that day. God will get ALL the praise and glory.
Your prayers are so important and you will each play a special part in his homecoming. God will not let mine or your prayers go unanswered or unrewarded.
I love each one of you and I value our friendships...bloggy world or in everyday life.
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart!
Love,
Jennifer
Can you tell it is catch up night for me?
ReplyDelete:0)
remember - this is the year! the seeds have been sown and God IS Faithful!
now look at all your bloggy friends agreeing with you in prayer!
the gates of hell will NOT prevail!
i say we are kicking some devil seat!:)
db
Jennifer, Thanks for sharing so honestly and vulnerably. Sometimes children choose pain as their teacher. It is not the best way, but can be very effective. I pray that your son will see the emptiness of life apart from God (a chasing after the wind, meaningless) and that God would draw him close.
ReplyDeleteMay your peace, joy and contentment overflow this Christmas season!
My heart is heavy with you... but prayers go up... My daughter ran away from God for a number of years... I held on to the promise in Pr 22:6 - Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it. To me this verse does not say he will always be the way we train them... but if they do wander away, they will return because they were trained in the way... So keep praying... He will return....Hold onto this promise...
ReplyDeleteI will put on the prayer list... bless you dear...
Thanks for sharing your heart and your struggles, my heart breaks for you. I have a loved one who has chosen a path of sin, saying it is God's will for her life, and it just breaks my heart... so I know a little of what you are feeling, I cannot imagine the heartache that brings to a mother. But, praise God we have Jesus, and He is faithful and in control! He is there to give us the peace that only He can give, and the joy that only He can give... how amazing that we can have joy in the midst of hard times!
ReplyDeleteI will pray for your son...
Blessings!
Oh how I understand my friend! I am praying for my sister. There are times when I feel like giving up on her. But I have to remember God will never give up on her. That thought gives me the strength to keep praying for her.
ReplyDeleteTake care my friend!
I can't wait to see those pictures.
I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face as I have read this post ~ my daughter is a prodigal too.
ReplyDeleteShe is living very far from the Lord and was raised also to love Him and know Him.
Reading your list of questions...I have said those same things...I have nailed my daughter and her lifestyle choice to the cross and laid at the feet of Jesus in sheer exhaustion collapsing from the burden of holding onto her.
And then I let go and pray pray pray...I am where you are at sister. Knowing God is big enough..scared my daughter will not yield...but I won't stop praying.
I will pray for you and your son.
((hugging)) you tonight.
I just stumbled upon your blog and I wanted to weep while reading this blog. I can only imagine the urgency in your heart for your son. I haven't read what others have written to encourage you, but I must believe that God is faithful. You raised up this child in the way he should go ...
ReplyDeleteI pray that every unholy soul tie attached to your son be broken in the Name of Jesus. I pray that unholy relationships be severed and that the Holy Spirit will hover over him, orchestrating holy relationships, and bringing conviction. I pray his heart will soften towards the Lord and that every veil of deception be removed in the Name of Jesus. I will add your blog to my page so that I can be sure to read your VICTORY blog about your son one day soon.
God bless you today!
Beth
Hi Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteI came across your blog, although, I am not sure who or how...but hey I'm here and that's all that's important. I will pray for your son. Yes, it's amazing how much GOD loves us and how at times we are so undeserving of HIS love. Praying that GOD will surround you and your son in HIS grace, today, tomorrow and all the days' ahead.
Thank you for sharing what is so heavy on your heart. Blessings & ((hugs)).
Jennifer,
ReplyDeleteMy heart aches after reading your post. Us moms have such love for our children. We don't want them to take the hard road, the wide path. Yet, that is what is easiest to them, and it was to me too.
I was just telling my girlfriend that the older I get, the more meloncholy I can become during the Christmas holiday. The music can even sound sad.
Jennifer, just know that today you have a Father in Heaven who knows EXACTLY how you grieve for your child. If you think about it, Adam was raised up in the godliest home possible, paradise....yet, he too decided (with help from Eve and of course Satan) to take a different path.
Your son knows the truth Jennifer. He will be back.