Do Not Lose Heart

2 Corinthians 4:16

So we're not giving up. How could we! Even though on the outside it often looks like things are falling apart on us, on the inside, where God is making new life, not a day goes by without his unfolding grace. (The Message)

I love how the Message Bible puts this verse..."not a day goes by without his unfolding grace"!

Wow!!!

Each one of has experienced trials and troubles in our lives and in our families...if you are alive and breathing...you have been there. So many times, we feel like we can't go on, can't put one foot in front of the other, can't utter another prayer, can't get out of bed and/or just don't want to.

We have felt at times...Why should I keep trying? Why should I care anymore? Does anyone even see that I am hurting or do they even care?

Can you relate to one of these times in your life? You might have experienced more than one...I know that I have.

• If you are having financial troubles, setbacks...it is not the end.
• If you have been lied to and deceived...it is not the end.
• If you have lost your job...it is not the end.
• If you have lost your home...it is not the end.
• If you have been a victim of robbery, identity thief, home invasion...it is not the end.
• If you have a child who is entangled in sin...wrong relationships, failing according to life's standards, refusing to communicate with you or your family, on drugs and/or alcohol or involved in homosexuality...it is not the end.
• If you spouse has walked away from your marriage, chosen someone else over you...it is not the end.
• If you have lost a loved one to death...whether it is a sudden death, suicide or a long illness...it is not the end.
• If you have been in jail or a family member is in jail...it is not the end.
• If you or your family member committed a horrible crime...it is not the end.
• If you have lost or are losing your sight, hearing or even a limb...it is not the end.
• If you have a disabling illness or disease...it is not the end.
• If you are in the depths of depression, battling depression or chemical imbalance that is affecting your way of thinking, feeling, reacting and your relationships...it is not the end.
• If you have learned that you have a terminal illness...it is not the end.
• If you have done things in your life...past or present when you acted foolishly and are mortified by what you did...it is not the end.
• If you are nearing death's door...it is not the end.

It might seem like the end, you might wish it were the end...BUT it is not the end because God is God, He is in control and the end has not come yet...not until God says "this is the end".

We must have faith in our Heavenly Father, trust Him in ALL things and lean on Him completely.

Hebrew 11:1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.

Proverbs 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding.

I don't know who this is for today but I felt that someone needed to hear this. Be blessed today and you trust in Him.

The Divorce

When the decision was made to end my marriage and there was no other healthy option for me, I filed for divorce.

Please understand that I am not endorsing or promoting divorce in any way. I can only tell my story and the decisions that I made for my life.

I filed for an uncontested divorce in October 1986. After the initial filing of the divorce, there is a 30 day waiting period that has to be completed before the divorce is actually final. During this time, he refused to move out and I also refused to leave this time. I needed a home to raise my son in rather than move back home to my parents house....therefore, we lived in the same house during this period of time. Awkward to say the least but...I had to do what I had to do to insure that I had a home for my son and myself. Regardless of all the heartache, disappointment, anger, suffering and unhealthy environment for my one year old son...I still wanted my marriage to work. Thanksgiving and Christmas was just around the corner and it would be my son's first holidays, so we decided to try once again to work it out over the holidays. During these two months, he stayed at home with his family, was very respectful and loving to us, attentive to our needs and it finally seemed like it was going to be alright.

Satan was constantly whispering in my ear that I would never find anyone else that would marry me, no one would want me because I already had a child by another man, I could not make it financially on my own and I did not deserve to find happiness with someone else since my first husband could not love me. These lies held me in bondage for 6 years. This was not the only reasons that I did not divorce him earlier but they always played a major part in my decisions to try again. Even though, I knew Satan was a liar and what God's Word says about him....I still allowed him to get into my head and cause me to doubt everything I knew about myself, who I was and what my purpose was.

John 8:44 "....for he is a liar and the father of lies".

We had been together since I was 16 years old, dated for 3 years, married for 6 years, had a son with him and he was the only guy that I had ever dated....he was all I knew.

The joy and "normal" life was short-lived because Thanksgiving and Christmas soon passed which meant there was another holiday following....New Year's Eve. Like the past 6 years, he left us at home alone to ring in the New Year and he went to a party until 6 AM. I was so hurt and angry that I knew without a doubt that it was really over this time.

I went back to my attorney the following week and told him to finalize my divorce. When the Wednesday in January 1987 finally arrived, I was physically sick to my stomach. What should have been a happy day that was long overdue and a relief...it was far from that, it was one of the most emotional days of my life up to that point. When I went back to work after the court hearing, I cried all day because I felt so alone, empty and like a failure. It took 15 minutes to end what had taken so much of my time, emotions, energy, love and dedication for the past 9 years of dating and marriage. That part of my life was over.

I gave him until Friday to be completely moved out....so divorced...we still lived in the same house for 2 more days. No one in our town had any idea that we were in the process of getting a divorce, much less, that it was final. Everyone was shocked that I went through with it because neither one of us told anyone. Except for my parents, I suffered alone because I was ashamed and felt like a failure as a wife.

He was completely moved out by Friday, 2 days after our divorce was final. By then, the shock had wore off and I was totally relieved that he was gone. I no longer had to worry about where he was, whether he was going out that night or who he was with. It was the first Friday in 6 years that I went to bed and went to sleep without listening to see what time he came home.

The saddest part of it for me is that my son does not have any memories of his father and I married or what it was like to live with both parents. This is something that has haunted him all his life. However, for me, I finally had a perfect peace in knowing that everything that could have been done to save my marriage had been done and it was not meant to be saved.

My son and I started our lives together as our own "little family" that day in January 1987 when he was a few months short of being 2 years old.

Was life easy? Absolutely not.

Was God's hand of protection on us? Absolutely.

I was a child of God and His Word promises in...

Hebrews 13:5 "...I will never leave you nor forsake you."

His Word also promises that....

Psalm 68:5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.












How could someone walk out on a precious little boy like this?

Next entry: 4 Years of Pain, Anger, Bitterness, Forgiveness, Submission and Restoration