Teenagers

Teenagers! Where do I start on this subject? My, oh my...that was a roller coaster ride time in our lives.

Brandon was definitely a handful as a teenager. The emotions and hormones were running rampant during that time plus all the damage that his father had already done to him mentally and emotionally.

There weren't too many days that went by that the fireworks didn't go off at our house for one reason or another. The tension ran very high from day to day depending on the subject at hand.

The rebellion and anger grew more and more with each fight. Roger and Brandon didn't get along the majority of the time and that put a strain on my emotional and mental state plus my marriage. There were many times that I wanted to put my son out in the street and there were times that I wanted to put my husband out in the street. Not to mention, all the times that I wanted to run away from home alone!!!

Roger and I nearly divorced several times during the teenage years...more so than all the other years combined. I just go so tired of the fighting...all the time. There were times when I would tell Roger...don't make me choose between you and my son because you will lose everytime. I told him that God gave Brandon to me to raise and he came before my happiness or marriage. I don't know if I was right in my way of thinking all the time but he was my son and what kind of life would he have or what kind of man would he turn out to be if I sent him to live with his daddy.

It seemed that nothing ever made Brandon happy and he was determined to do things his way, on his terms and it seems like he chose to do anything that went against what we wanted him to do...90% of the time. He would suffer the consequences and he would adapt to any punishment that you gave him in order for him to do things his way. Rebellion...seems like an understatement during those times. Bull-headed, stubborn and strong willed were accurate descriptions of Brandon during those times. I told him that those things weren't bad if he would only channel them in the right way...if he put as much energy into setting his mind to achieving productive goals in his life as he did into trying to make my marriage miserable...he would be President of the United States right now! Brandon admitted to both of us in the past two years that his goal was to break up my marriage to Roger and have me to himself again. He nearly succeeded many times. Regardless of how angry and hurt we were...we NEVER stopped loving him...no matter how hard he pushed us both away...we NEVER stopped being there for him. Yes, we have exercised "Tough Love" so much over the past 4-5 years that it has hurt me so bad to say "no"...learn from your mistakes.

When Brandon turned 16 years old, things had gotten pretty explosive many times but we kept pushing forward. We tried to set boundaries and get by everyday without too many explosions.

I went to New Mexico with a friend of mine for some girl time and while I was gone...all manner of crud broke loose. I got a telephone call the day before I was set to come home from Roger telling me that Brandon left and his daddy picked him up. They had an arguement and I don't even know what it was about anymore but it became explosive. There was two different stories as to what happened that night. He went next door to the neighbors, asked to use their phone, called his daddy and had him come pick him up. Brandon moved out and when I finally got him on the telephone...he told me that he was leaving and I couldn't make him come home. My immediate reaction was..."watch me!", "oh, yes, I can" and "I have full custody and I can make you do whatever I tell you to do!". I was so angry with Brandon and Roger too. I leave for a mini vacation once in our marriage and actually, once in my life for some girl time and they couldn't get along for four days. I was furious!

By the time that I got home, I had calmed down and decided to let him live with his daddy rather than making our lives even more miserable by forcing him to come home. I decided to just back off. Our lives...mine, Roger and Tyler's settled down for once in a very long time. Don't get me wrong...I loved Brandon then with all my heart and I love him today with all my heart but that didn't always make our lives a bed of roses.

It was one of the hardest decisions that I had to make during his 18 years of life with me. I wanted to control the situation, him and I wanted to make everyone happy...I wanted to fix it. This was one of many things that I had to resign myself to that I couldn't fix the situation nor could I fix him. It was bittersweet during that time...there was peace in my home but turmoil in my heart. I knew that his daddy would let him go to places that he didn't need to be, go with people that he didn't need to be with and get into things that he didn't need to be into...just to get him out of his hair. He hadn't ever been a daddy to Brandon and I knew that he was not about to start then.

I decided to go to our juvenile court and enter Brandon into a program...FIN...Family In Need program. He was assigned a juvenile officer and caseworker. She was appointed as his counselor, caseworker and supervisor. He was told that he had to see her once a month, stay within the rules set by the court or he would be sent to juvenile hall or boot camp. This worked for a short time but even with any good program...it had it problems too. I knew in my heart that Brandon would eventually see his father for what he really was and come home. Which he did...about a year after he left.

Next Entry: Brandon's Return and His Exit Again