Friday, March 20, 2009

Friday Funnies~I Love This Doctor!


Welcome back to Friday Funnies! My favorite day of the week because it's my day off from my job (work), not my wife/mother responsibilities :-) My plate is full for today but I'm determined to get great and mighty things accomplished today! Whoohooo!

Disclaimer: This is so funny and no, I don't drink alcoholic beverages but too funny not to post :0

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?

A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it...don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?

A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?

A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even m ore of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?

A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?

A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?

A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?

A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?

A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?


A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?

A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember: 'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND..... For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans..
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.


CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.



For more laughs today...visit Kim at Homesteaders Heart.
















Have a wonderfully blessed day!

18 comments:

  1. No habla espanol? LOL!!
    Great post mi amiga! I'm trying to cut my chances in half.
    Hasta Luego!

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  2. LOL that was too funny! i love that doc too!

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  3. Maybe I should learn another language :o)

    Great post my friend! Thanks for the laugh! I love the doctor's view on chocolate!

    Hope you have a great day & get everything accomplished!

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  4. Hey Jennifer,

    These were GREAT!!! Thanks for the VALUABLE information. I'll keep this on file for reference! (He He...)

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  5. I want him for my doctor! LOLOLOL!

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  6. This is a great joke. Thanks for the good laugh. I am praying for Roger's tests. May all go well.

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  7. Thanks for stopping by while I was gone. Missed ya!

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  8. Love it. Your necklace is ready to be sent to you!

    Cheryl

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  9. Das ist gut! Vielen Dank für die lachen. Haben Sie ein großes Wochenende!
    Translation: That is good! Thank you for the laugh. Have a great weekend!

    I guess it may have helped to start to major in German.

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  10. Hi Jennifer, Couldn't help getting a real belly laugh out of your funny friday post. We will be praying about the test. Thanks for sharing. Roberta

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  11. LOL! What a hoot! I definitely wanna slide in sideways. Thanks ever so for making my heart a little merrier today.

    Have a JESUS-filled day! ^i^

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  12. LOL! This is great! :D Thanks for sharing!

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  13. You just posted one of my all time favorite funny food "facts"...I still have and love it, in my file cabinet. Laughter is such awesome medicine that I practice alot of it!
    As for storms of life, I loved playing in the rain as a little girl and caused a neighbor to think she was hallucinating while looking out her window at a little figure merrily dancing in a downpour! Wonder if this comes under "when life gives you lemons, make lemonade"?
    May God abundantly bless you with the joy of bringing laughter,

    Marcy

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  14. Too funny! This made me laugh out loud. Thanks...I needed that this morning.
    Beth

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Thank you for stopping by today and sharing your heart felt thoughts with me. As we ride "Through the Storms of Life" together, chances are...your situation is different than mine. However, we serve the same awesome God, King of Kings who is in complete control and it all belongs to Him anyway...He wants to give you the very best. Be encouraged my friend, God loves you!

Thank you again for taking the time to visit me at "Through the Storms of Life".

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