I woke up again this Monday morning battling anxiety. I began to search through my thoughts, my feelings, my emotions and my life to find the source of the anxiety this week. I knew where it was coming from last week and God answered those prayers regarding the situation causing the anxiety, as well as the anxiety itself. Praise The Lord! God is so good!I realized what the problem is this week and I was already aware of this but didn't realize it would be causing me to battle with anxiety.
Too many irons in the fire!
I am normally a very organized person who if you asked me for something...I could lay my hands on it immediately.
Everything has a place and everything should be in it's place is my motto.
Well...you couldn't tell it from my house and my life these days. There is so much chaos, projects started but yet to be completed, overload of work in my job, long work hours 4 days a week, longing to simplify our lives and not enough time to do the things that I want to do.
I used to be a million times worse than I am now on organization and perfectionism, but as I get older...things become less important. As I watch the years fly by and my baby growing up so fast...I get overwhelmed and emotional thinking about it.
So, I ask myself..."What part of this mess can you, Jennifer, control?"
Well...I am setting my sights on completing one unfinished project at a time...starting with my dining room which has been a disaster for 3 weeks now. It is 90% complete but finding the time to actually finish the project has been the problem...well, finding the energy to climb up and down the ladder to paint the crown molding is more like it.
Here's a few more irons in the fire that I have...
- find affordable health insurance for our family....SOON!
- complete our budget...target...be debt free...spent the weekend talking about Roger retiring in 10 years and where we want to be financially...yikes...we aren't ready yet!
- organize office after rearranging furniture
- get new desk picked up and brought home...the arrangement now is too cramped...always tripping over stuff
- organize office closet where all my work files are kept, office supplies and personal stuff...can't find anything
- hang new office drapes...after moving rod up and patching holes in window facing
- catch the laundry up...way behind
- caulk Tyler's bathtub...used new brand caulk...must have been bad...peeled off within a week....grrrrrrr. Actually, this will be the 3rd time in a month that I have done it...won't use that brand of caulk again!
- finish patching and sanding the sheetrock in his bathroom
- paint his bathroom...had the paint for 2 months now...going to try my hand at striping it...oh boy!
- do Fall yard work
- clean out garage and attic
- oh....did I mention...I'm having a garage sale the 1st of October
Ok...I know what you are thinking...I am bringing all this on myself...well, you're right but it all needs to be done and several projects have been started and are screaming to be finished NOW.
I am overwhelmed right now.
After a 10 hour day at work...I don't have the energy or desire to do too much at night and weekends are too short as it is. I enjoy doing all of these type of projects and don't usually ask for help.
Not to mention that Roger is working his full-time job and working the police department 5 nights this week, off on Saturday (he'll be a zombie) and then back on for 5 more nights...till midnight. He gets up at 6 AM, gets ready, at work by 7 AM, gets off around 4:30, comes home, changes clothes, goes to police department and works to midnight...comes home, eats, showers, goes to bed and gets up at 6 AM to start it all over again. Thank you, Lord...this is not normal and won't last but a couple of weeks.
As much as I want to finish this stuff...it will not come before family time with Roger and Tyler. I made that mistake years ago...having to make sure the house was clean, organized and the yard is all done before spending time with Brandon and Tyler. I missed a lot of good times that I can't ever get back and I won't do it again.
So...anxiety and worry...you have no place in my heart, mind or home. The Word of God speaks clearly about worry.
Matthew 6:34 Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. (NIV)
Matthew 6:27 Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? (NIV)
New Motto: One thing at a time!