My Desire: A Child of Our Own

We had been married for 3 years when I really began to want to have another baby. I loved being a mom to Brandon and a step mom to Sommer and Ryan...but something still seemed to be missing in our lives. The more I thought about it, the more that I had that deep longing inside to have a baby with Roger. Then we would have yours, mine and ours!

Roger was not easily convinced that having a baby was a good idea. We had a great marriage and a great family (some ups and downs, ok...some were major, but still a great family)...so why "mess" things up by adding anything else to the already blended pot? I had to "sell" my idea on Roger and I am not a sales person. If my livelihood depended on my selling ability...well, I'd be DEAD! However, I gave it my best shot and it took several weeks of constant talking, pleading my case, wants and wishes to him. At first, he was dead set against it...he even said "no, I do not want anymore kids!" and "I am already 38 years old...do you know who old I'll be when he/she graduates...that is, if we get pregnant right away".

The approach that I took was to express my true feelings about wanting another baby. I told him that I had a wonderful husband, great family with great children but I wanted one with him. I did not have a good marriage the first time around and my ex-husband was not supportive during my pregnancy, would not go to childbirth classes with me, would not go into the delivery room with me, wouldn not stay at the hospital with me at night and was never at home with us after Brandon was born. I wanted to know what the "perfect" pregnancy, what a "perfect" labor/delivery with a devoted husband by my side and what a "REAL" father would be like. I wanted this so very, very badly.

When talking was not doing any good, then I resorted to letting all of my emotions show...which was CRYING! I was hurt because I thought he did not want to have a child with me and I felt crushed at that moment. I remember going to church the Sunday after I realized that I might not get the chance at the "perfect" pregnancy and I could not even sit through church without crying...I actually got up and left. I remember sitting in my car in the parking lot and sobbing...I guess, it was my way of grieving my "loss" that I would never get to experience. I know this might sound selfish and petty but to me...it was raw emotions and my heart hurt.

A couple of days later, I was sitting outside on the trampoline, I just wanted to be alone in my "pain" when Roger came outside. He crawled up there with me and asked me if having a baby with him would really make me that happy. I said "YES!!!!" and he said "well, we had better get to practicing!". Getting pregnant the first time was no problem. I quit taking my birth control pills one month and did not need them again till 10 months later when Brandon was born.

It still amazes me with all that we have been through in our lives...how God gives us the "healthy" desires of our heart. We had a trip planned with my brother and sister-in-law to go to St. Maarten, NA in the Caribbean from October 31st through November 7th, 1993. I got off my birth control pills in July to give my body the break that it needed before we would begin trying to get pregnant. I had told Roger "wouldn't it be great to get pregnant in the Caribbean".

Psalms 37:4,5

Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart. (5) Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:

I took two ovulation predictor test to see if it would be the "right" time to get pregnant while we were on our trip but I was set to ovulate by the "numbers" the week before we left town. I briefly, uttered a prayer one day to God that I would love to ovulate a week later...so I could get pregnant in St. Maarten. Well, low and behold...if I was not a week late ovulating!!!!! God is so good!

By using the ovulation predictor test, I knew the first day of ovulation and exactly the day that I would be the most fertile, which just so happened to be the day that we left for St. Maarten. What a great place to start trying to conceive a child...the warm Caribbean weather, beautiful sunsets, gorgeous beaches, great condo on the water and nothing but relaxation. Now, all we would have to do is try while we were there. I bought a "onesie" that was white with the beach scene on the front that said St. Maarten, Netherland Antilles....just in case!

We were gone on vacation for 7 days. I waited until the Wednesday, November 10th, after we returned home to run to the doctor's office where I worked...OB/GYN, to see if I was pregnant! I remember telling, Sharron, our nurse...I know it is early...only 10 days, at best, after conception but I am dying to know if I am pregnant. We did the urine pregnancy test in the office and it was positive....I WAS PREGNANT!!!!! Wow! It was only 10 days after conception and again...God is so good!

My due date was 7/21/94. Wow...I cannot tell you how excited that we both were. All the kids were equally excited. I was having a "little Caribbean" baby!!!!!

Here are a few pictures from that WONDERFUL TRIP! It was snowing when we left Memphis on Halloween 1993 and it was in the 90's when we got off the airplane in St. Maarten. We were in wind suits and our luggage got lost! So we were burning up and did not have any clothes to change into. The entire island went of strike the next day at noon due to some government official being imprisoned...we ran into a souvenir shop and bought a pair of short/t-shirt quickly....plus...no make-up, shampoo or hairdryer...we looked terrible! A beautiful sunset and native braids in my hair before we came home.