The Courtship and Engagement

I could not have imagined that I would have met the man of my dreams with every quality that I prayed for. Lack of faith? I don’t think so...maybe reality in our day with divorce rates as high as they are.

We continued to date through the remainder of October, November and into December. I went with him to his mom and dad’s for Thanksgiving that year to meet his family. That was a nerve-racking time to be on display for his parents, two brothers, their wives, nieces and nephews to look me and my son over to make their assessment. I took my son with me to South Carolina because I came as a package deal...if you want me...then you get my son also. His family was very nice to me and made us feel welcome. Then we came back home so he could be put on display for my family to meet. All in all....it went very well.

Our dates consisted of going out to eat, to the movies, to the athletic club to watch him play tennis but mostly, he was at my house or I was at his apartment. The weekends that my son was with me, his girls were with him so they could get to know each other. They blended immediately and acted like family with ease.

We went looking at houses, talked about marriage but yet we both refused to use the "L" word...love...shhhhhh....do not say it very loud because at this point...we did not use it. Needless to say, we did everything backwards. We were getting very, very close and the feelings were running very deep by now.

Then, all the sudden, the first of December...he walked me to my car when I was at his apartment and in talking and saying goodnight...he said "he did not know if he loved me." BAM! Where did that come from? He said he wanted to go back to being "special" again...friends. I was in shock, hurt, sick to my stomach....but there was a sense of calm also. I knew in my heart that God hand picked him for me and he WAS mine. I tried to talk to him but I felt it was time for me to just go home.

I prayed all the way home and half the night that God would show him that we were meant to be together. I prayed that he would feel the same sense of togetherness that I felt. However, I had to remember that I had been divorced four years and he had only been divorced for months...not years. There was still a lot of pain from his divorce and he missed his girls terribly. He is an awesome father, so not being with them on a daily basis was taking it’s toll on him. I know he felt a certain amount of guilt because he was with my son and was not able to spend that same amount time with his girls. After I had time to think about it, he had seemed distant for the past week but I thought it was job related stress or something simple. I continued to pray all weekend and through the next week. We continued to see each other and talk on the phone...weird atmosphere....like nothing happened or like we were closer than friends but not in love??? I refused to let him get away but I wasn’t sure what I was supposed to do for him to see that I really did love him...more than just friends.

A couple of weeks went by....I went to his apartment on a Saturday so we could talk. Now, he lived probably 40 miles from where I lived...so jumping in the car and running right over there was not possible. I was hoping we could spend Christmas together but he was completely refusing.

We talked briefly but he had a tennis match already planned...so he left and I stayed there. I had intended to stay until he got back so we could talk more. After he left, I cleaned his apartment, washed, dried, folded and put his clothes away. Then....I went home. I wanted him to see that I would make a good wife but I was not going to beg him either. It was that evening when he got back to his apartment, he saw that it was spotless and all his laundry was done...then he called. me. In our conversation, he told me that he knew that I loved him and he loved me. God really has a sense of humor....you know what turned him around? What made him realize that he really loved me and I really loved him? The way that I FOLDED HIS UNDERWEAR! I thought I was going to die when he told me that. But he went on to say...if I took the time to fold his underwear in a special way...then I would be a wife who paid careful attention to the other details of our relationship. Go figure! Underwear?

By Christmas, we were back where I had hoped we would be...in love. He left right about Christmas to go hunting in Ohio. While he was gone...he called me and told me to pick out two wedding dates. I told you we did everything backwards....no engagement ring. The night he got back in town...I was waiting at his apartment for him to get home. After welcoming him home and hearing all about his trip...he asked me to get something out of his bag for him. In the process of doing that....I found a little something for me in his bag . . . AN ENGAGEMENT RING! And yes, he asked me to marry him that night and I said "YES!"


We picked out our wedding date all before his parents came down for New Year’s Day. We set the wedding for February 23, 1991....5 ½ months after we met.

When we both let go and let God...then we knew in our heart....it was blessed by God, orchestrated by God and Roger was definitely my "heavenly knight in shining armor".....truly a God send...an answer to prayer.

Just four short months before I was lonely, felt broken, unloved, unwanted and in despair. But God hear my cries and He answered them....just as He promised.


II Corinthians 4:8,9 We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair, persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. (NIV)


Psalm 147:3 He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. (NIV)


No matter how small you think your problems are, how small or insignificant your dreams might seem....God cares about each one of them....because He loves you.

I Peter 5:7 Casting all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. (NIV)




The pictures above are: Roger at my house, me in his apartment and us together at his parent's house in South Carolina...Thanksgiving 11/90.