Contentment

Contentment? Hmmmm....boy, have I been lacking in that area the past few days. For those of you who follow me on Facebook knows that I was struggling bad yesterday.

You see, I have a really hard time knowing that I have to work...a couple of times a year. In the spring and in the fall...I absolutely hate working. In the summer when it is in the 100's or in the winter when it's in the 30's....I don't mind at all. **YES, I'M THANKFUL FOR MY JOB AND MY WONDERFUL BOSSES....I'M NOT TAKING IT FORE GRANTED**

It started on Monday when it was absolutely gorgeous outside and I was stuck inside. I didn't deal with it right then and there but allowed it to fester and by yesterday...I was entering into full blown depression.

I have to be very careful during this couple times a year because I am so "unhappy" that my tongue will hurt others who are doing all they can for our family. I would come across ungrateful, selfish and probably spoiled. I am not saying that my tone, body language and attitude still doesn't say all of that but I am trying to not speak those exact words that are running through my mind.

When I get like this...I just want to be left alone and I don't want to talk to anyone. It is the safest place for me to be at the moment.

I love taking care of my family and devoting all my time and attention to them and our home. However, for me...I can't do it to my liking working a full-time job. I get very resentful when I start feeling like this.

I love to do all the housework, yard work, cooking, shopping and anything else that needs doing so my husband doesn't have to when he comes home from work. He is working two jobs...his regular job 5 days a week plus having to take call one week out of three. His second job is a part-time police officer in our town...which he loves. He works his full-time job and then goes to the PD for another 7-8 hours only to get up the next morning and do it again.

We use his PD check to save for vacations, home improvements and now a car for Tyler when he turns 16...which isn't far away.

We have looked at our finances, what we owe, our home and everything to see what we can get rid of so that I didn't have to work and there just isn't anything at this time. We desire things that we "want" to do that aren't "necessities" in life. These are new carpet in our home, vacation up the east coast, a car for Tyler that we can pay out right and a car for me the same month. We are striving to become debt free. Can we live without all these things? Absolutely!

All of that doesn't go hand in hand with me quitting work. I know this but it doesn't change the fact that I long too. I was a SAHM for 9 years and I loved every minute of it. I never got bored and I was at home, not out running around. I always had things to do to keep me busy. I loved it and I long so badly to be there again.

I have many friends, not all of them that don't have to work and that doesn't help either. Do I envy them? No, but I wish we had done things differently so that I didn't have to work.

I have gone over and over our 18 1/2 years of marriage and asked myself...what do you regret? What would you change if you could? There are only two things that I "regret" and would change if I could but....I CAN'T. I would have been more money conscious early in our marriage when my husband got big bonuses and I would have paid a vehicle off and kept driving it. We have had a car payment x 18 1/2 years. So, no sense crying over spilt milk but rather learn from your mistakes and don't do them again.

There are things that I will never regret and would do again regardless of the outcome. I don't regret taking the trips/vacations with my family that we have. They created memories that will last a lifetime...I would go on every one of them again. I don't regret buying our camper because it brings us so much pleasure, relaxation and more memories that we share with Tyler and our grandson, Mason. I hate having a camper payment but it is worth the sacrifice.

I began to pray last night for the Lord to help me to be content again with our lives and our situation. I work up this morning with a new attitude and a new determination to make the best of what I have.

You see, I have a great job. I work from home, with great, generous bosses but I just have to put the hours in and work to get it all done. So, why am I whining....because I don't want to even do that. But, that isn't an option, now is it? NO!

I was determined this morning to be creative and have the best of both worlds! So, as I type this...I am sitting outside on my patio, with my laptop, on a make shift desk, sitting under the umbrella and only squinting a little bit. I have my radio playing K-Love for the neighbors, a cool breeze, my Diet DP, my work, sunglasses on, my dog is out here with me and here's to a great day. Can't get much better than that...except, being unemployed! lol

I am learning once again to be content in whatever situation I find myself in.

Philippians 4:11-13
I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. (12) I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. (13) I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

1 Timothy 6:6-8
But godliness with contentment is great gain. (7) For we brought nothing into the world, and we can take nothing out of it. (8) But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that.


Have a wonderfully blessed day!