Wednesday, May 13, 2009

The Divorce (Original posting was 2/24/08)

I have felt the need to re-run my life story from the beginning since many of you weren't readers a year ago. This is meant to help someone, somewhere in what they are going through today.

When the decision was made to end my marriage and there was no other healthy option for me, I filed for divorce.

Please understand that I am not endorsing or promoting divorce in any way. I can only tell my story and the decisions that I made for my life.

I filed for an uncontested divorce in October 1986. After the initial filing of the divorce, there is a 30 day waiting period that has to be completed before the divorce is actually final. During this time, he refused to move out and I also refused to leave this time. I needed a home to raise my son in rather than move back home to my parents house....therefore, we lived in the same house during this period of time. Awkward to say the least but...I had to do what I had to do to insure that I had a home for my son and myself. Regardless of all the heartache, disappointment, anger, suffering and unhealthy environment for my one year old son...I still wanted my marriage to work. Thanksgiving and Christmas was just around the corner and it would be my son's first holidays, so we decided to try once again to work it out over the holidays. During these two months, he stayed at home with his family, was very respectful and loving to us, attentive to our needs and it finally seemed like it was going to be alright.

Satan was constantly whispering in my ear that I would never find anyone else that would marry me, no one would want me because I already had a child by another man, I could not make it financially on my own and I did not deserve to find happiness with someone else since my first husband could not love me. These lies held me in bondage for 6 years. This was not the only reasons that I did not divorce him earlier but they always played a major part in my decisions to try again. Even though, I knew Satan was a liar and what God's Word says about him....I still allowed him to get into my head and cause me to doubt everything I knew about myself, who I was and what my purpose was.

John 8:44 "....for he is a liar and the father of lies".

We had been together since I was 16 years old, dated for 3 years, married for 6 years, had a son with him and he was the only guy that I had ever dated....he was all I knew.

The joy and "normal" life was short-lived because Thanksgiving and Christmas soon passed which meant there was another holiday following....New Year's Eve. Like the past 6 years, he left us at home alone to ring in the New Year and he went to a party until 6 AM. I was so hurt and angry that I knew without a doubt that it was really over this time.

I went back to my attorney the following week and told him to finalize my divorce. When the Wednesday in January 1987 finally arrived, I was physically sick to my stomach. What should have been a happy day that was long overdue and a was far from that, it was one of the most emotional days of my life up to that point. When I went back to work after the court hearing, I cried all day because I felt so alone, empty and like a failure. It took 15 minutes to end what had taken so much of my time, emotions, energy, love and dedication for the past 9 years of dating and marriage. That part of my life was over.

I gave him until Friday to be completely moved divorced...we still lived in the same house for 2 more days. No one in our town had any idea that we were in the process of getting a divorce, much less, that it was final. Everyone was shocked that I went through with it because neither one of us told anyone. Except for my parents, I suffered alone because I was ashamed and felt like a failure as a wife.

He was completely moved out by Friday, 2 days after our divorce was final. By then, the shock had wore off and I was totally relieved that he was gone. I no longer had to worry about where he was, whether he was going out that night or who he was with. It was the first Friday in 6 years that I went to bed and went to sleep without listening to see what time he came home.

The saddest part of it for me is that my son does not have any memories of his father and I married or what it was like to live with both parents. This is something that has haunted him all his life. However, for me, I finally had a perfect peace in knowing that everything that could have been done to save my marriage had been done and it was not meant to be saved.

My son and I started our lives together as our own "little family" that day in January 1987 when he was a few months short of being 2 years old.

Was life easy? Absolutely not!

Was God's hand of protection on us? Absolutely!

I was a child of God and His Word promises in...

Hebrews 13:5 "...I will never leave you nor forsake you."

His Word also promises that....

Psalm 68:5 A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.

Philippians 4:19 But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus.

How could someone walk out on a precious little boy like this?

Next entry: 4 Years of Pain, Anger, Bitterness, Forgiveness, Submission and Restoration

Have a wonderfully blessed day!


  1. Wow...what a story. I will be looking forward to hearing the rest of the story

  2. I can relate to that relief, please don't get me wrong, I have been on both sides. I have caused much pain to others in my life and received much pain. But I remember also the day I left an abusive marriage. I set in a chair for 4 hours without realizing it, while the tension drained out of me. I know what the relief is. And then I know what is coming next. Amazing Jennifer. It is good for you to share this. God is absolutely wonderful, isn't He? And your son is absolutely darling. Love, Pam

  3. Wow, amazing my friend. I love you.

  4. Wow! What a kindred spirit you are, maybe one day I will tell you my story..........

  5. I could have written 90% of that myself my friend. I can honestly say I have felt that kind of pain. But YES, God is so good to bring us through it all.
    Hugs to you sweet friend.

  6. I am so thankful that things are different for you now. I pray your son will receive great healing in his heart and not feel any rejection whatsoever.

    Father God never walked out on him (or you).


  7. You were very descriptive and detailed in your post today. -especially about a subject that is so hard to talk about.

    Many hugs to you, my friend.

  8. What a beautiful post.
    I have a friend going through some issues like this now, my heart is breaking for her, but isn't it wonderful that God is THE FATHER to the FATHERLESS...

    Blessing for a BEAUTIFUL Christ filled day!

  9. Rejoicing that things are so different for you now than they were way back then. Much love, Laurie Ann

  10. I'm sure this has been a healing process for you as well in retelling your story. I'm sure you can help other women as well. God bless you my friend.

  11. Thank you for re-telling your testimony! I also know this kind of pain and rejoice with you in a redeemed and victorious life Christ has worked in you!! I'm looking forward to the next installment

  12. Jennifer,

    Stop by my blog for a beautiful surprise just for you.

    Love and Hugs ~ Kat

  13. Thank you for sharing your story. I, too went thru a "BAD" divorce. I left my then abusive Southern Bapt. Minister husband and it took me two years to get a divorce. I have raised my 3 boys and each are growing into the young men GOD created them to be. Like has not been easy, but our GOD is the ultimate healer and restorer....I am not remarried to a very gentle and kind man who loves my sons.

    Blessings and prayers, andrea

  14. Precious sister I came over to congratulate you for the "Beautiful" award given to you by Kat at Heart2Heart and...

    I read this impacting post! I'm sure your sharing is helping other women that have walked your road.

    I give GOD glory that your life NOW is a blessing for you and may the peace of GOD embrace your precious son.

    I love you.


Thank you for stopping by today and sharing your heart felt thoughts with me. As we ride "Through the Storms of Life" together, chances are...your situation is different than mine. However, we serve the same awesome God, King of Kings who is in complete control and it all belongs to Him anyway...He wants to give you the very best. Be encouraged my friend, God loves you!

Thank you again for taking the time to visit me at "Through the Storms of Life".


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