Saturday, August 16, 2008

Total Forgiveness VI: Pray For Blessings To Come To Those Who Hurt You?...You've Got To Be Kidding Me, Right?

There was some residual anger and hurts from toward my ex-husband and his mistress at the time…that I thought I had dealt with…but not completely. My anger had more to do with the way that he treated our son and my feelings toward him personally rather than toward her. She had always been good to Brandon...she loved him, treated him good and took care of him...way more than his own father did. I forgave her a long, long time ago but had trouble forgiving him because he didn't make any effort to change things. (He still hasn't to this day.) I know that I wasn't the perfect parent and I made lots of mistakes but I honestly blame him for the majority of Brandon's problems growing up. Issues that Brandon battles with today...have a lot to do with his father but he is grown now and he has to choose to let it control him or he can choose to control it.

During this time, we were in the middle of a lawsuit that I talked about previously and being that it was brought on my people that we had been friends and neighbors with for a couple of years...this added to the anger and unforgiveness. As I have mentioned in previous entries on this subject...I had been hurt, as well as, my family had been hurt by different ones over the course of my life and the life of my family members. However, this particular attack of the enemy on our lives by our former friends was one of the most hurtful events that I can recall and it was the one siutation that took the most to forgive and get past. I had already had some practice in the forgiving area but when God asked me to pray for them, ask Him to forgive them because I had already forgiven them...I said..."ok, I can do that"...THEN...he asked me to pray for them and ask Him to bless them, their family, their finances and their lives. I was screaming at this point..."Come on God, you have got to be kidding!...there is no way that I am going to pray that you bless these people who have personally attacked our family, our finances and our reputation...forget it!!!!". Well, thank God...He does not listen to us whine and complain but continues to push us, pull us, send people into our lives to encourage us to do the right thing and allows the Holy Spirit to continue to work on us from the inside until it becomes evident on the outside that we were obedient to God.

However, for me…the absolutely hardest part of the entire “Total Forgiveness” process was praying for them and asking God to bless them. During the sermon on “Blessing those who hurt us”…I walked out of church during the alter call. I just couldn’t do it. It made me angry all over again to think that God really wanted me to pray and believe Him to bless those who hurt me. Why? I battled with that for a couple of weeks and I finally agreed with Pastor Rusty that I would go through the motions, even though…I didn’t mean it. He kept telling me that if I was faithful and obedient in this area…God would do the rest. Because of the current situation…I agreed that every time I drove past their house (which was twice a day taking Tyler to school and picking him up) that I would pray the following: (, there were a couple of days that I took the long way home so that I didn't have to drive by their house...I just wasn't in the mood to pray for them that day...which is ok, God understood, was patient with me and loved me just the same:)

God, I forgive them for what they have done to my family and are still doing. I ask that you forgive them also. I also pray that you will bless their family…I called each of them by name…I asked God to bless their health, their home and their finances.

I said it through clenched teeth for the first couple of weeks but as I was faithful in my commitment to Pastor Rusty and God…it got easier and easier and then one day…I truly meant it. That is the day that I realized that I was no longer angry with these people or those from my past (who I had also been praying the same things over), I didn’t hate them anymore and truly didn’t want to see anything bad happen to any of them. You have to remember...we were still in an active lawsuit and it was still over a year before it would be completely resolved.

I began to feel more and more peace with each hurdle.

Only when I had given each and every hurt over to God and followed his steps to forgive…then and only then did the anger subside. I had a peace that I had not had in many, many years…I left no stone unturned, submitted myself to God and He took care of the rest. I have been at peace ever since.

Do I still get angry over things…absolutely…but I don’t hold on to them…I face them head on right then and there…I don’t ever want residual anger larking in my life again. Even the smallest amount gives Satan a foothold in our lives.

I had to face these issues head on, deal with the past hurts, forgive those who hurt me and my family and let it go.

Was it easy? NO!

Did it come naturally or quickly…for me? NO!

It is a process not an event.

Once I got through this part of the process by identifying the issues...God tells us to let it go, give it to Him and leave it there.

There is not quick or easy way to heal your hurts, forgive those who have hurt you, identify your deepest, darkest pain that is buried under years of denial...but it is one that can be achieved through Jesus Christ and following His steps...not yours!

Even then, it is not without have to open some old wounds before they can properly heal and that is not easy either.

The consequences of an Unforgiving Spirit are: R. T. Kendall… “Total Forgiveness”The Holy Spirit is grieved…this causes distortion in our thinking. An ungrieved Holy Spirit is what enables us to cope.You are left to yourself…A refusal to forgive means that God stands back and lets you cope with your problems in your own strength. We leave the door open for Satan to get in. He will take advantage of us if he can and we start trying to justify our anger and unforgiveness.

1 comment:

  1. I had to read this post when I saw the title. I love it! Great insight and what a painful truth to swallow - we have to forgive and pray for those that have hurt us. Oh, I have so been there, though for different reasons than you and have blogged about it. True freedom from heart pain never comes unless we find forgiveness in our hearts. Thanks for your honesty - many will be blessed and encouraged by your transperancy.

    God Bless you,


Thank you for stopping by today and sharing your heart felt thoughts with me. As we ride "Through the Storms of Life" together, chances are...your situation is different than mine. However, we serve the same awesome God, King of Kings who is in complete control and it all belongs to Him anyway...He wants to give you the very best. Be encouraged my friend, God loves you!

Thank you again for taking the time to visit me at "Through the Storms of Life".


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