There are times in our lives that we do things in private or semi-secretively, don't we? That is what I have been doing the past 2 1/2 weeks, well sorta of.
I have posted a couple of times that I am on a weight loss journey because I was tired of being "fat"...yes, I said it FAT, FAT, FAT, FAT!!! It's ok because I had truly gotten fat and I knew it, even if no one else ever said the words to me and they never had.
When I looked at yourself in a mirror all nicely dressed and in a cute outfit that "hangs" just right...I felt attractive or at least, good about myself. However, it is usually before I'd eaten anything all day or had eaten very little. By the time, I'd come home from where ever I/we went and look at myself in the mirror...I would say "Oh my! What was I thinking wearing this because I look huge!" Well, you might never have but I know and will admit that I have...many times. I hated what I see in the mirror looking back at me.
But, it didn't stop there. What about when I had to undress to take a bath, shower or change clothes. Dear Lord, how did I ever let myself get in this shape? How can my husband stand to look at me? How could he still be attracted to this? And so many, many more thoughts! I saw it coming but I choose to keep eating and ignoring it until I became so disgusted with myself that I had to make a huge change.
I don't like to exercise and I didn't want something that I had to write down everything that went into my mouth, count calories, points, go somewhere to do it, buy someone else's food or eat things that I would never, ever eat again after I finished the program. I needed something to fix what was wrong with me and not just work as long as I was on that program.
You see, I've have participated in several programs before and lost weight but for one reason or another...I gained it all back.
I needed something that would last for a lifetime. I am nearly 47 years old and it is harder and harder to lose weight. Gone are the days that I could skip a few meals and lose 5 lbs. It just doesn't happen anymore for me.
My feet, knees, hips and ankles hurt nearly every day and outside of the physical pain...there was the emotional pain that I felt because I had grown to hate myself.
Don't get me wrong...I love my life and my family but I hated my body. Yes, I am so thankful that it is disease free but how much longer would that last with the abuse it was taking from me?
When you use one of those online weight calculators and the result = OBESE, being more than 40 lbs. over my ideal body weight. Wow! That slapped me in the face. I considered myself overweight but I have never thought I was obese...until now. I want to lose 50 lbs. However, I am not worried about the number on the scales as much as the size clothes that I can wear and feeling good about myself. Yes, I want my BMI to be within normal range and all my bloodwork to be excellent but I am not driven by a certain number on the scales.
I began a program 15 full days ago and I have lost a total of 14 lbs.(as of yesterday..haven't weighed today yet.) and a total of 21 3/4 inches lost off of my body. My clothes are starting to get loose and some are baggy but mainly, they are just now becoming comfortable to wear.
Yesterday, I put on a cute pair of white shorts, black shirt and cute...black and white polka dot flip flops before heading to the office. Before the weight loss program, the minute that I got home I would have taken those clothes off and put on my baggy shorts and t-shirt because they were so uncomfortable...but, not yesterday. I wore them all day long, worked at my desk in them and didn't come out of them until I took a bath last night.
Also, another huge sign for me is that I can wear my rings and they come bother me. My hands had gotten bigger and my rings weren't comfortable. I never wore them at home but only to church and out places. Many times, I would take them off an put them in my purse because my fingers would swell and they were miserable. Yesterday, I worked in them all day long at my desk...that is a first in many, many, many years! PTL!!!
It is the small changes that I am noticing. As for Roger, he has been on this for 9 full days and has lost 20.2 lbs. Yeah! Go, Roger!!! I don't mind that he is losing faster than me because men do that but he needs it to be healthy and get off his blood pressure and cholesterol meds. I am so very, very proud of him!!!
Now that I know that this program will work and is working for me. I am going public with my weight loss blog journal that I started nearly 3 weeks ago.
If you are interested in what I'm doing, how I am feeling, what I'm eating...check out my blog link below.
I refuse to stay the same and my goal is to be healthier and happier...with MYSELF!
My Journey To A "New" Me
Have a wonderfully blessed day!